Darling, you know I love you – I told you long ago.
But sitting on this rooftop, it’s getting kind of old.
I can’t stand the constant dripping of my dear, contentious bride
And so I‘ve moved my man cave till the circus stops inside.
Come rain, come shine, you’ll find your man outside.
I’ll snooze beneath the stars, just me and my guitar.
Honey, my little bunny, my beloved precious doe,
I’ve taken a hiatus in the wilderness alone.
I’ve never shot my dinner, never loved the great outdoors,
But I’m soaking up the silence and I couldn’t love it more!
Call me with a question, but I don’t get great reception.
Oh, give your ol’ man a holler, but in truth, I wouldn’t bother.
Sugar, here me out now, why must my belly shrink?
With all your food restrictions, you’ve pushed me to the brink.
I’m through with all the nagging – this diet is a joke!
So I’m downin’ ALL these donuts and a pack of Cherry Coke.
I don’t need a mother, I just need a lover.
My skinny days are done, it’s time to have some fun.
Pumpkin, I am runnin’ just as fast as a cowboy can
To please my little cupcake – when you speak, I say, “yes, ma’am”.
No time for sippin’ lattes on the Honey Do Express.
With endless productivity I surely have been blessed.
Ride ’em, Cowgirl, crack that whip! I sure can’t get enough of this.
Do this, go here – watch my manhood disappear!
Sunshine, can you hear me now? It has finally come to this.
Tryin’ to keep you happy is like chasing for the wind.
I’ve spent my youth and vigor and your dripping hasn’t ceased.
So pull the plug when I am done and let me rest in peace.
I’m sure it won’t be painful and I would be most grateful.
Don’t stop me when I’m fading – Farewell, Contentious Lady.